“Shame breeds fear, blame, and disconnection.” Dr. Brene Brown
Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) don’t be ashamed of where you are and who you are because, you don’t need to defend your life choices and you shouldn’t.
You stayed at home and did what was right for your family; therefore, never try to defend it or deny it. If you are returning to work, don’t feel like you should defend that either.
When I first started my journey to return to work, I faced some challenges from within me and from my peers. From within, I felt like I was damaged goods because I had been away from my industry and felt outdated. I also felt frumpy, badly dressed, drab, dull, plain, shabby, sloppy, unstylish, and stuck in a mommy rut. I had some wonderful people tell me otherwise, but it didn’t matter, I was still having these feelings. Instead of denying my feels, I decided to start working on me.
Working on yourself, it is not an easy project. It first started with a great decision. I had to make a decision that making changes were important and something I believed in. So, the first step was quitting the “poor me” party. Yeah, I was doing it and I knew it.
“Some things need to be believed to be seen.” Guy Kawasaki
I needed to believe in my visions and set goals for myself. When I began to see myself as successful I began to project what needed to be seen. If you don’t see yourself as successful, how will you reach success?
Question for other moms: How do you project success?
“Fear of change is normal.” Carly Fiorina
For many reasons, I have faced the fear of change. I have been afraid of returning to work and failing. I have been worried about being good enough and worried about what others will think of my decisions.
Instead of letting my fears keep me in a safe area, I have begun to launch my career. It was up to me to be responsible for my reactions and I decided to take control of how I was presenting myself. It was important to me to keep a positive outlook about my journey, because being negative was going to develop into low self-esteem. As Harvey Mackay says, “Failure is not falling down, but staying down.” I began taking small steps that helped me achieve a positive outlook.
The change in me began with reading books that had positive messages. Here are two that were and still are helping me change:
Use Your Head To Get Your Foot in the Door. By Harvey Mackay
Back On the Career Track. By Carol Fishman Cohen & Vivian Steir Rabin.
Please comment on my question:
If you try and don’t reach the designated goal, but learn, is it a failure?
In my blog, I will be sharing about the journey I am experiencing, even though I realize every mom’s transition will be unique.
I faced fear. I was feeling invaluable to the workforce and irreplaceable in my home. My beliefs of reality were crippling me and keeping me from entering the workforce. I also was battling the fear of releasing control.
How does a perfectionist that has had everything her way give up control of the children and the house? Here at this point, I had a wonderful opportunity to grow as a person. I could make choices that would lead to change or I could chicken out!
Would the element of economic need be enough to change? Would it just be easier to stay at home in my comfort zone? Ultimately it would be my decision to change and I did!
When you are faced with fear, how do you handle it?
A visit to the library taught me there would be no quick fix to my situation. I really, really wanted a quick fix. I am not a stand around and wait kind of person. So, I was learning that my approach and attitude needed to change. I started to focus on what I could do, not on what was wrong with my past. I needed to finish my “poor little me” party, put my big girl suit on, and getting a first step completed. I saw an excellent opportunity to grow and develop as a person and as a professional. Instead of focusing on the bad, I would rather become a more marketable product for the work force. The first priority of my plan was acquiring a paying job. While researching, how to fix my situation, I read, Back on the Career Track, by Carol Fishman Cohen & Vivian Steir Rabin, I learned that returning to work gradually would be easier on my family and me. So, here is step one! My step one or first task in the project was: Get a part time job that will get me in shape for working again and start preparing my family for the future.
Wow, sounds simple does it not? Truthfully, the transformation from devastated mommy that wants to hide under the covers to working mommy took several months.
Please post a comment if you have been a scared mommy faced with returning back to work. I would like to hear about others that were scared too. Thanks
I have been suddenly faced with rejections that I never prepared for. When my husband and I made the decision for me to put my career on hold, it made perfect sense. Honestly, we were not ready for me to return to work. Then we made financial decisions that made returning to work a necessity. So, I started looking for a way to enter the workforce, I was devastated. Job postings in my field require detailed experience lists that I could not meet. How would I get experience without access to my field? I also felt way behind. While I excelled at being a mommy & housewife for six years, the IT world moved on without me.
So, with all of these challenges, where should I start? I knew I could not solve all of these challenges at once and was disappointed to realize there would be no quick fix. At first, I wanted to give up, but I could not. My family needed me. How to start? I am a very logical person, therefore; I headed to the library. When I entered the library I was thinking, “I will find a book to fix this.” What I learned from the library was there was not a book that took my situation and mapped out a plan for success. Next, I also was able to get some of my panic feelings validated. Lastly, I learned that I needed to change my outlook.
In my next post I will cover how my outlook started to transform.
Are you a stay@home mom that wants to return to work? What has been your most overwhelming reality that you have faced?